I am no longer a breastfeeding mother.
There, I said it.
Phew, like admitting to being an alcoholic in terms of shame and guilt.
I have been pumping for between five and six hours everyday since the start of the summer. I have been distressed. I have tried (and tried) to get my smallest son back to the breast. I have failed.
Sebastian had his first birthday and I carried on pumping so he could have his Mummy Milk from a cup. I carried on until about a week ago when it was clear that he wasn't actually that bothered about it in a cup or any other way. Much as it hurt me and felt like I had failed in the most fundamental part of motherhood I knew it was the sensible thing to do.
And, you know what, no one died. The world didn't end. Nothing changed except that I became a happier Mummy and now have several more hours in the day for kisses and cuddles.!
It is the end of an era, I have spent all of the last decade either pregnant or breastfeeding, and alot of time doing both! But it's ok. I am ok. My babies are ok. They still love me best and we still have an amazing bond and our relationships continue to blossom and change as they grow.
I am now in the process of redefining myself. I am still Mummy and always will be (even when they are parents themselves) but am growing myself, my skills and goals.
I hope to share more with you very soon and be back with some less personal breastfeeding issues and information very soon.
Thanks to all of you for the support you have given me over these past few months.